Let’s be real. A twenty-three mile long run is a lot of time to spend with your own thoughts, and the mind does start to wander. I never know where my fantastical mind will end up, but here are some actual things that I’ve thought about on long runs…
If street names were the last names of teachers, what school subject would they teach?
Inspired by my running idols and Queen Flanagan’s recent NYC win, I’ve started to run my workout days and long runs without headphones to, ya know, meddle in my own thoughts, be at one with my breath, peace, love and Subarus. Some days running from one block to the next takes all the mind-power I can muster, so I pass the time by imagining what school subject would be taught by the teacher whose last name is the street I just passed. Next thing I know, I’m 40 blocks down! Thanks, Ms. Champa, for being my PE teacher and helping me know I’m a winner.
Sometimes the mind gets dark on a long run. One time I convinced myself that I could get cocaine-high from drinking out of a public trail water fountain.
Ok, in my defense, I was 18 miles into the run on a sweltering summer morning on the Platte River Trail, fresh out of GU and had just passed an overturned shopping cart filled with trash bags that I had convinced myself were stuffed with a dead body. A dirty public water fountain immediately succeeded the dead body shopping cart. Dehydrated, I took a drink. Shit!
“What if somebody wanted to also put ME into a trash bag, so they strategically picked the water fountain a mile up the trail and laced the spigot with cocaine? What if my mouth accidentally grazed the stardust spigot and I got super snow high? — Oooh a penny!…Nope, just gum.— I’ve never ‘snorted the Wisconsin state line’ so I’m positive that I would instantly become so coked out that I would be running around, jowls out, foaming at the mouth like Cujo. What if I collapsed on the side of the trail and no one found me for like, days? Oh my god, what if that dead body in the bag was a rabid, coked-out runner like me?! Should I go open the bag?! …Hey look, my apartment! I’m here!…Holy shit, I’m insane.”
Sometimes I think of my fav. celebs and can’t help but rhyme. It helps pass the time…
And then things just get random…
WWSD. What would Shalane do?
Seriously, how DID they build StoneHenge?
If I’m not running super fast on this Tuesday morning run, will everyone in the entire city know that I’m a good runner?
Who came up with the phrase “mind over matter”?
Do these Brits know that I’m American when they see me running? How could I run more British-ly?
I want to create a dating app for when you are drunk leaving the bars looking for a hookup and call it Stumble.
Thank God I chose running for a sport instead of sumo wrestling. That would be terrible, and I’d most likely be bad at it.
If Shalane saw me on a run, would she want to run with me?
I bet Michael Buble’s career would be much different if his last name was Bubble.
I wish I could share more, but I’m headed out for my long run. #marshallmatters